


Spriteficial Intelligence

by dreamyemptysouls



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Feels, Fluff, Gen, Post SBURB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyemptysouls/pseuds/dreamyemptysouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Dave Strider, but names lose their meaning when they're not used for too long, and sometimes you fear yours has hit its expiration date quite a while ago.</p>
<p>You've been wallowing inside this crackling abandoned house for so long that you've practically lost all your connection with the outside world, along with the few people you still know from there, people you've grown to cherish throughout the span of thirteen years, but don't seem to want you to matter anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spriteficial Intelligence

**Author's Note:**

> For dearest [Chaps](http://chaos7.tumblr.com/)'s birthday :'D

Your name is Dave Strider, but names lose their meaning when they're not used for too long, and sometimes you fear yours has hit its expiration date quite a while ago.

You've been wallowing inside this crackling abandoned house for so long that you've practically lost all your connection with the outside world, along with the few people you still know from there, people you've grown to cherish throughout the span of thirteen years, but don't seem to want you to matter anymore.

In dark, misty days, you wonder why the hell the game even let you stay, when all you wished was the quiet, introspective solitude of a doomed heaven, a dream bubble stashed somewhere far away, where you could lament your own pitiful life and maybe sometimes, if you were lucky and worthy, find someone else to kill time with, remember days when things didn't suck as much.

But by some strike of mischief or mindless negligence, when all universes and the continuity of reality itself was saved, when Sburb decided it had no more use for you and suddenly returned you to your previous, mundane lives, it forgot you had no place in this realm, yet sent you back anyway.

You smirk rather snarky at the memory of just showing up in your old living room, magically returned to its normal stated, and being faced with the alpha version of yourself. You let out a silent, grim chuckle, thinking about the awkward look on his face, suddenly realizing he'd have to deal with your existence here too, and how unprepared he was for that. You remember your brother not being there, something that would actually make the whole, nasty ordeal of dealing with an existential crisis worth it, and you remember how easy it was to make the decision of leaving.

Was there any other option, anyway? That was what you were expected to do, and you were convinced that attempting anything else would only make everyone's lives worse, and you had long ago lost the right to do so.

So nobody followed when you left, and you suspect nobody but Dave ever knew you were still here. At least no one ever tried contacting you, even if your iShades are supposed to still work. Maybe just no one really cares. But the alternative still makes you feel better.

And now you remain here, for ghosts are still a thing that doesn't happen in this rebooted universe, and the regular appearance of an orange birdboy with no legs, just casually hovering all over these cities, would raise all too many questions. You stay here without eating or sleeping or talking, as a doomed knight of time you are aware of every second that stretches before passing on, unchanging your dull, pointless half-life. You can't die, and you certainly can't live. You barely even exist, trapped between your memories and your stagnant present. Skaia's plans might be ineffable, but you sometimes wished it could just let you go.

In this state of being, you barely register your birthday has come, and even if you did, you were pretty sure it'd be just like any other day. One more year added to a story paused in time, that no one cares about anymore.

But how wrong you were! And how soon you'd see in many ways you were.

It started late in the morning, while you were laying on the cold ground, idly staring at the ceiling while your tail lazily swished from one side to the other. You didn't notice the signs of his approach, but before you knew it, the boy was crossing the broken frame of the ruined door, clumsily clambering in your make-believe home.  
You were startled at first, for as much as you wanted to die, you'd hate to go via yet another act of mindless violence, by the hands of someone who wouldn't see you as more than a freak. But you settled almost as immediately when you caught a glimpse of his glasses, and then your brain was filled with questions, because what the hell was John Egbert doing here?

His face lights up when he sees he's come to the right place, while you still respond with pure confusion, sitting up straight. He doesn't look much older than the last time you saw him, and he's carrying a badly wrapped package, a ribbon tying the misshapen thing up. You see his eyes widen almost comically, the wrapped blob carelessly tumbling to the ground as he reaches for you, giving you a thorough, overwhelming hug.

"I am so, so, so sorry, Dave!! If I had any idea you were still around, I'd come here so much sooner!! But here, happy birthday! I am so glad I found you!"

He lets go even before you can register he's here, and the package is handed to you, and you rip it open to find an assortment of apple juice bottles and Doritos inside. You chuckle, incredulous and dumbfounded, despite yourself.

"Egbert, what the fuck are you even doing here. And what am I gonna do with all this food, you know I can't eat, right? How did you even find me?"

But he just laughs, hugging you again, and you guess some things don't change with absence when you've known someone for so long. "Bluh, bluh, bluh, so many questions! What about 'gee, thanks John, what a super cool present this is'! I am getting kinda offended here." But of course he keeps smiling, and you mirror it as well, shaking your head idly.

"Yeah, right, you know I really appreciate all of this, John. Seriously, thanks, I just wasn't... expecting any of this at all. It's kinda unbelievable. But still... how?"

He crosses his legs, sitting in front of you, and he shrugs. "I knew Dave was keeping something from us for quite a while. It took lots of pestering to get it out of him, but it worked. I was so mad at him, and so was everyone else. But I think everything will be okay now. You just need to come with me!"

And at this he swiftly gets back on his feet, patting the dust off his pants and reaching out for you, beckoning for you to take his hand. His smile is still unfaltering, and while you know you can trust it - for there is no way John would be a complete douchebag and prank you on this - a part of you is still reluctant to go. Who was this "everyone else" he mentioned? And why would they want to have you back, after you've been away for so long? Nothing of it makes sense, and you feel like you're defeating your whole purpose of not ruining anything by giving into him. You can't really envision a scenario where this will work for the best.

You hold his hand, bringing yourself to the best standing position your sprite body can muster, but you're frowning at him now. "What about Dave? I don't think he'll like this whole stunt all that much..."

But he's having none of this. "Jeez Dave, for someone who had to make tons of clones of himself in the past, you sure have issues with dealing with your alternates! Just trust me, okay? Everything is taken care of, I promise. Let's just go?"

You hesitate, still dubious, but you do know you can trust him, and whatever happens, how can it be worse than this? How could it break someone further than how broken you are? So you nod, and he chuckles, and before you can say anything, he's tying a wide, dark blindfold around your head, startling you all over again. "What the fuck, John? Is this..."

"Wow, just shut up and trust me, dude! This is totally necessary, because I am taking you to your birthday surprise. Let's just go."

He guides you outside the house by the hand, and every time you subtly attempt to peek, he slaps your hand away from the blindfold. He is apparently completely serious about this, and there is nothing you can do about it.

It is kind of distressing, being out in the daylight after so long, and a part of you fears you'll fade and disappear into the light, but he never loses hold on you. He leads you to what you believe is his car, opening the door to the backseat and asking you to lie down. You do so, almost reluctantly, but the trust you place in him is bigger than your fear.

You almost immediately ask where you are going, but he doesn't answer, of course. A plethora of endless possibilities cross your mine, one scarier and sadder than the last, because you can bear to think about the happy ones, it seems kind of pointless to want to make yourself disappointed.

The car ride doesn't take you long, and you spend most of it in silence, but to you it feels like a whole eternity, the seconds gluing together, the doubts about your destination ever-present. When he finally stops the car, you want to attempt a peek again, but he's opening the door for you before you can do anything, guiding you by the hand once more.

"Okay, we're here. No 'but's or 'why's! Everything will be clear soon enough," he says, and you go.

Well, you might not be able to see what's around you right now, but the constant sounds of the busy streets are still familiar, you've been hearing them all your life. But... it can't be right? He couldn't be taking you back, not when no one else wanted you there.

Yet you still enter a building, wait for an elevator, and from the time you spend inside it, you must have ascended to the very top. When you go out and John rings the bell, the sound is unmistakable and you panic.

Dave will be there, and it's his birthday, not yours. Maybe he'll have people with him, and you're just going to ruin everything. And what if... what if HE is there? After so long, you had just accepted the possibility that you'd never see him again - after you failed him so irreparably - and the idea of changing all that just makes you swirl around and rush away. But of course John's annoying hand is there to stop you.

"Dave, please just relax! I promise everything will be okay. We're here."

And as if on cue, the door opens and you can hear a short array of giggles (is that... Jade?) and muffled whispers (you think you recognize your own voice and... Rose's?), while John ushers you inside, and you're finally allowed to take off the blindfold.

True enough, the four of them are gathered before you, and once again, it's both John and Jade the first to approach you, hug you as a greeting, and genuinely wish a happy birthday. They've grown so much, and look so different. But you're glad to see that they still feel the same.

Rose comes next, and how much she changed, how she has grown to a beautiful young woman. She isn't much taller than you, but as she wishes you a happy birthday and holds you in a gentle embrace, you can feel the tenderness and mannered composure of her gestures towards you, and wow, you have missed so much, it's so good to see her so happy.

The last person to approach you is Dave, and while you thought this would be the most awkward encounter, you find him smiling at you - the same smile you know you use when you're actually relieved, and while he doesn't hug you like the rest, the fistbump you share is good enough.

The rest of the afternoon proceeds like an assortment of moments that can't surely belong to your life. But here they are anyway. And what more can you do but enjoy them?

You don't get the chance to feel like a stranger here, as your group devolves into a ball of eclectic activities and pleasant conversations. You realize this is the first time they've met in a while too, and for once you feel they can sympathize with your constant sensation of loneliness, and therefore understand you better.

The ghost and the teenagers spend time together and then eat, and you're more than willing to share John's birthday present with them, while they share the bits of them you've missed, they fill you in on the few months you were absent. All of them ramble on the boredom of their day-to-day lives, the feeling of emptiness after being gods and heroes of another time and world, and yet you hear them relish in the few moments of solace and company, rare moments like this, but saved dearly in their memories. You suspect you'll do the same after this day.

But at the same time you keep looking around the house, because HE is still missing, and you don't understand his absence just yet. Jade has spoken of Bec today. Rose has made it clear that her mother is back. Even John has shared some of his dad's baking shenanigans, but Dave has remained suspiciously silent about the older Strider.

Your heart weighs heavier on your chest, maybe this was one expectation you shouldn't have nurtured. But it seems so unfair, that they should have their guardians back, while you had so much to say to yours, so much to apologize for, and no second chance to do so. But maybe you just didn't deserve it, you had fucked up so much. John was always the hero, not you. Jade and Rose were worthy, but not you.

Still you push these thoughts away from your mind: this is the one chance you have at feeling almost happy, why would you squander it with false hopes, silly expectations? You already got so much more than what you thought you'd have. When Rose brings out the terrifying smuppet cake, you sing and celebrate with them, but still the image of the puppet makes you wonder. You blow the candles with Dave yet you don't eat from the cake. John joins you in your no-cake-eating corner, and you try to find a distraction in the words he says.

But it seems the surprises aren't quite done yet, for they get ready to leave as the afternoon nears its end. You guess you'll join them too, since this is you birthday party, but John stops you right away.

"No, don't be silly, we can't take you out just like that!" he exclaims, and it pains you that he looks dead serious. "Just stay here, okay? That surprise was nothing, the best is about to come."

You sigh, and you can't help but imagine that you'll be severely disappointed, so you pointedly refuse to expect anything. You hover before the doorframe, waving as you watch them leave, and Dave gives you one final nod and smirk before he walks out the door.

The door slams and you're left alone once again. The feeling isn't foreign to you, yet you feel like something's missing, and so you wait. It doesn't take long for you to realize what you've been waiting for.

As you're facing the closed door, something heavy and soft hits your back. It might be a pillow or a cloth, but it feels suspiciously like a plush derrière. You tense up on your spot, all too wary about looking back and facing the newcomer, but you've done enough of waiting. You turn and look at the ground, and indeed there is a smuppet there. Your heart going haywire on your chest, you slowly look up, and your brother is here.

"What's up, lil' bro?"

Bro is here, and he's smiling, and there's no scorn, no irony, no smugness there. Only genuine concern, genuine positive sentiment about seeing you too. Like the others, he looks much older now, and you look at his chest, wary about finding a wound there, but there is nothing. You let out a breath of relief, which you didn't know you were holding, and you realize this is the first sound any of you have made in some time. He chuckles almost immediately after, and even before he says anything, he slowly takes off his cap, and then - surprisingly - his shades, baring orange, surprisingly all-too-expressive eyes. You follow suit, taking off your own shades and folding them carefully, placing them next to his, on the back of the couch. You open your mouth, attempting an intelligent reply, to return his greeting, but you get choked up.

So, instead, you opt for speed-hovering what is left of the distance between the two of you, and he catches you in a crashing, utterly sappy, completely un-Striderly hug. A piece of contact that seems so unreal to you, like something you can wake up from at any moment, but at the same time it feels like a due reward for all your ordeals, a sweet lullaby or reassuring word, telling you everything would finally be alright.

He holds you tight and you relish in this presence, and indeed they were right: not wanting to be unfair to your friends, this is the highlight of your first birthday in a very long time. 

You rustle slightly against him, wings and feathers moving slowly with you, and before you can stop yourself, you're spluttering words out, "I... Bro, I'm so so sorry... I..."

But since you can't, he's the one to stop you, poking your forehead with his index finger and shaking his head. "No, not now. It's your birthday, it needs a proper celebration."

You nod, somewhat disappointed that he's probably going to evade such an important point in your life. But he reassures you yet again, pulling away and beckoning you to the living room. "We'll have time for the feelings jam later, I promise."

And you guess that is good enough for you.

The rest of the day passes as normally as if you had never had gone, as if the game were something that didn't happen, and you weren't a sprite, and he had never died, and you realize you are pretty alright with that. He plugs his X-Box in, and there's a new Mad Snacks Yo game, and you take turns trying to pass the first level, watching the character impale himself in a random railing, flail about inside a wall, dive head first into the ground and get stuck there.

After you laugh so much that your bellies hurt, he takes to do his turntables, and for the first time ever, you jam together, and even if you're rusty, forgetful of your skills after so long without practicing them, you catch him smirking as you scratch the records, and the murmured, "Well done, lil' bro," is enough to make you feel more confident about all this.

Next, he challenges you to a strife on the roof, and you take him on with skill you didn't know you still possessed, and he's impressed, unable to keep up with you, and it takes just one moment of distraction, one second of bettering him, for you to bring him crashing to the floor, lying on his back and looking up at you, satisfied.  
Instinctively, you almost poke the tip of your katana to his chest, but you stop yourself just in time, for you're not willing to review THAT imagery just yet. So instead you just reach out for him and help him up, and he isn't shy in complimenting how much you've grown as a warrior. Some of it feels forced, some of it feels undeserved, under these circumstances, but you take it anyway. Maybe you'll believe it someday.

At the end of the day, as the night is poking out, you go back inside, and you find one of the stupid, horrid movies John left behind. You decide to watch it together, for purely ironic purposes, of course.

Now you're halfway through the movie, after pointing out everything that's been awful so far, and your bare eyes feel droopy, tired from the light, your brain tiredness from the eventfulness of the day. He seems to notice this, for he lowers the volume, and he makes no comment as you lay across the couch, face resting against his arm.

The others must be coming back soon, you think, and you're probably right. There is so much you still want to say to him, hopefully unburdened by the others' presence, and this is your last chance, for now. So you decide to go for it, and manage to make your voice audible even as you whisper, a low, soft sound above the movie volume.

"I'm so sorry I let you die, Bro."

There's silence between you for a while, but you can hear the fabric of his clothes rustling as he tries turning to face you better, and before you know it, his gloved hand is on your shoulder. "I don't know what the hell you are talking about. I was so worried when I got back, and you weren't there. I thought I'd never see you again. I wasn't... even sure it happened, because Dave hardly talks about it. I'm so glad the dork found you. You have no idea how much all of us need you."

But you still shake your head, because this is the kind of undeserved compliments you can't take. "No, I still fucked up, big time. You spent all those years training me, and when it came to actually prove myself and do something useful, I ruined everything."

Yet he's more stubborn than you, and he squeezes your shoulder, patting your feathers, holding your gaze with deeply hurt, almost pleading eyes. "Don't you ever think that's true. You did so much more than a boy your age should, and you held your ground in ways that will always make me proud, Dave. I wish I could have stayed, and helped you more, but you did so well on your own, anyway. And now you are here, and I actually get to say these things to you, as well as begging you to stay. Because I've missed you, and because Dave needs you. He's so lost, and he needs a brother, a much better brother than the one he has now. You should have seen how much you glowed that day, and today. I have never seen you fight so well. I am sorry I ever made you think you disappointed me. I am sorry I ever made you think you weren't good enough."

Well, this is a new. This is new, and you're not sure if you can handle it, because he's being so honest, so real, and this time you can't just dismiss it as more lies and pity, because he looks so fragile right now. You get choked up once again - the second time today - and a surge of affection makes you hold his hand, and be completely honest and vulnerable to him too. "I love you, Bro."

This makes you smile, and he's smiled like that all day, and you now realized how much you've seen him smile like that. You're so tired, but his laugh makes you grin, and this grin widens as he bows down to catch you, the movie completely forgotten as he carefully carries you in his arms.

"I love you too, Dave," he murmurs, and it's still so weird when he calls you by your name. The words feel truer. You feel like his equal. "From now on, I promise you'll never doubt it. Now come on. You're all tuckered out."

And your eyes are closed now, as you cling to him, as if searching for a reassurance that everything would still be like this come the morrow, when Dave returned and the self-identity crisis followed. Your eyes are closed, and you're scared of opening them, of finding yourself back at the rotten cottage, and all this but a vivid, feverish dream.

But his arms are so steady and unrelenting, holding you close, and you feel like a tiny child once more, begging his big brother to take off your shades because you want to see the pretty lights properly. Except you're the one made of light now, and he's so much older, and his walk is burdened by the many, many deaths and vicissitudes you had to endure to get to this moment.

But it matters little, as he lays you across your bed - how long has it been before you slept here! - and even goes so far as tucking you in. You open your eyes just a little bit, the orange of your glow making the same orange of his eyes come alive with care and affection, and you smile when you see him lean down, brush the fringe away from your forehead with a gentle hand, before placing a small kiss there.

"Get some rest, lil' bro," he says, and even though sprites can't sleep, you know tonight will be the exception. "I'll see you again tomorrow."

And this is one promise you can believe, one promise you won't mind hanging all your hopes and expectations on, even if it ends up hurting you. All in all, it was a pretty nice birthday, and completely worth hanging around for. And tomorrow will be the first day of a new, exciting life.


End file.
